The Struggle Is Real (Whether You Suffer or Not)

Have you ever been afraid? Have you ever had that feeling that something bad is about to happen? If you have, imagine that on a constant basis. This is how those of us living with anxiety feel. 

For those of you unsure of what I am talking about let me enlighten you. Anxiety is defined as a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

According to the APA, Anxiety is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure. People with anxiety disorders usually have recurring intrusive thoughts or concerns. They may avoid certain situations out of worry. They may also have physical symptoms such as sweating, trembling, dizziness or a rapid heartbeat.

Anxiety Disorder Statistics. Anxiety Disorders affect 18.1 percent of adults in the United States (approximately 40 million adults between the ages of 18 to 54). - National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

Now that we have gotten through the education part of this article now it is time for some experience. 

I never knew what was wrong with me. It started one day when I was in high school. I felt really odd and I was terrified. Was I having a heart attack at 16? I had heard about people dying young from these before. Was there something that was missed during a checkup? All I knew for sure is that my heart was going 90 miles an hour and I was hot and sweaty. It passed after a few minutes and I just didn't think about it again. This happened very seldom after that or maybe I just didn't pay much attention to it. Maybe because I smoking cigarettes and self medicating all the time I never noticed it. 

Fast forward about ten years. I had quit smoking, drinking, and doing any drugs. All of the sudden this monster rose its ugly head one more time. All I was doing was sitting there watching TV and I couldn't breath. Now by this time I has put on some weight so I was more convinced this could be some type of heart issue. I was once again sweating with my heart beating like it was trying to win the Daytona 500. This time I also just try to let it pass and it does. Two hours later here we go again. This happened for a full day every couple hours. 

At this point I am super scared and I call my doctor. They have me come in and they run the normal tests that they would for someone having a heart attack and everything there was good. So now I am stumped as to why I am feeling how I do. The doctor comes back in and hands me a small booklet that has anxiety, in big bold letters, on the front. I take a look at it and think "could this be me?" 

I had heard of panic attacks and anxiety before but I didn't think something like this would happen to me. I was one of those people who said "Calm down" "Stop worrying so much" "It is all in your head". I was one of the people who put a stigma on people who were slightly different. Now here I was on that side of the fence. I couldn't believe it. I was no longer normal. I was broken. I wanted to hide it. The more I tried to hide it the worse it got. 

It got so bad that I let it affect my life in many ways. It made me grumpy all of the time and hard to deal with. It made me short tempered and cost me relationships with friends and significant others. Hiding the fact that I was suffering from anxiety was really the worst thing I could do.

I am now more open to letting people know that I am living with anxiety. Some people understand, some people don't, and some people try to understand but can't wrap their head around it. For many years I felt all alone. Then once I started speaking about my issue I found that many people felt the same way.

The entire point of writing this is in hopes that someone will read this and realize they are not alone. I want people to know there are a lot of resources out there to help them cope. There is a fine line between suffering from anxiety and living with it. 

This is just a little glimpse into the experience of one asshole living with anxiety. If you are someone trying to hide it because you feel it makes you less of a person or that people will think less of you because of this, there is a whole community out there of people willing to support you.

What are you rioting for?

So the latest nonsense has hit me close to home. On Tuesday September 20, 2016 an African American male was shot during a warrant service in Charlotte, NC. Now it has been said that this man, Keith Lamont Scott, was killed and all he was doing was reading a book. People took to the streets to protest over this fact. That is fine. It is your right to peacefully protest when you think there has been some sort of injustice. It has since came out, there is video proof, that he was wielding a gun as officers were telling him to put down the gun. After he failed to do so the officer shot him.

My question in all of this is why not just comply? All you had to do was place the gun on the ground and he would probably still be alive today. Now I am still doing research on Mr. Scott at the time of this writing. I have seen that Mr. Scott has a criminal record that indicates this type of behavior to exhibited in the past. According to this Charlotte Observer article, Mr. Scott was convicted of an assault with a deadly weapon charge in April 2004. The article also stated that he was charged with a concealed weapon charge. The weapon was not a gun but a weapon nonetheless. This does not say that Mr. Scott wasn't a good man but it does show that he had a checkered past and might have been capable of harming these officers.

After Mr. Scott was shot a woman claiming to be his daughter was going on a racially charge tirade against the white cops on the scene. She recorded the situation on her Facebook account on the Facebook live feature,  The video can be seen below. It has now been brought to everyone's attention that the officer that shot Mr. Scott was also African American. This shows that it is not only white cops that are involved in these shootings. It remains to be seen whether this shooting was in self defense or a criminal act. The investigation is still ongoing.

Now that there is a background on the situation I ask this one more time. What in the hell are you rioting for? There is nothing wrong with a peaceful protest in regards to police violence and whether or not you think a shooting is justified or not. There is no good reason to tear apart your own community. The last time I checked theft and vandalism are crimes. I know it may be old school thinking here but two wrongs do not make a right. How do you justify breaking the law because you disagree with the actions of the police? Everyone one that has kicked in a window or touched a piece of merchandise in the store should be prosecuted for the individual crimes they are committing. In my opinion animals belong in cages. if you want to act like an animal the you should be locked up.  I was looking through a friends Facebook comments on his status and I saw a great line. If everything is treated as an eye for an eye then the whole word goes blind.

If this is how people react before knowing the results of this investigation I fear for our country if what they think happened, happened. All of this could have been avoided if he would have used common sense and just complied with officer instructions. We have Black Lives Matter and All Lives Matter how about Common Sense Matters as the next movement. Use your heads for more than a hat rack. Hell this is just the opinion of one asshole on the internet......

The Gun Violence Three-Card Monte

Allow me the opportunity to preface this by saying that politically I have no affiliation. Until America puts a president in front of me that I can support, I simply refuse to vote. Some consider that indecisive or indicative of not standing up for your beliefs, but I can argue the opposite and I'm sure I will another day, on another blog post.

With the attacks in Paris and California further feeding into the media's propaganda on gun control, I find myself like the majority of you, asking where all of this misinformation began. For me it seems that instead of facing the truth, that mass shootings are a direct consequence to deinstitutionalization and maintaining poor mental health outlets for decades, we're doubling down on the fact that guns were used in these crimes. On a side note: I'm not linking deinstitutionalization and terrorism. I only used those examples because they're in the recent news.

Recently the Daily News has been feeding into this idea that if you don't agree with gun control, you must not think there's any problem in our country. Repeatedly I hear Obama or the media speaking out against the tools used in these horrific situations, but never are they focused on the people themselves and how we can better serve those individuals in order to make sure we don't get to these scenarios. ABC News has even announced that Obama will make an announcement about what to do with gun control this Tuesday.

Meanwhile, this seems to be an obvious game of Three-Card Monte. Focus firmly on what the people are using to murder innocent civilians and not what the actual ailment is. When President Ronald Reagan signed in the Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act that shut down 30% of mental health spending in 1981, there were an estimated 650 facilities serving 1.9 million patients per year. 

Studies suggested in 2004 that there were 320,000 people in prison with mental illness and 100,000 psychiatric beds in America. Meaning that there were roughly three times the amount of mentally ill in prison than in hospitals.. not accounting for those that were free or on the streets. In 2010 there were 43,000 psychiatric beds in the US. Which is about 14 beds for every 100,000 people. However, while mass shootings continued to occur in the news, between 2009 and 2012 we cut funding by another $5 billion and eliminated 4,500 more beds.. or roughly 10% of what we had. 

So literally we're speaking up against mental health issues and gun control publicly, and while more horrific mass shootings are happening in the news on a semi-regular basis, we're refocusing on taking away guns all while simultaneously eliminating sanctuaries to benefit those of us with mental illness. That is the definition of a sleight of hand -- where the magician makes you look at the distraction while he's pulling the rug out from under you with his other hand.

The problem isn't in these people, it's in our treatment of these people. Formerly we looked to better them or make them one of us. We wanted to be on the cutting edge of neurosciences and do whatever we could to fix mental health issues. Now our mental health system is essentially a fast food pharmacy. Take your pill and hit the streets. See ya when you need a refill. The error in that is, when they start to feel better, they start thinking they don't need the medication anymore. Instead of realizing the medication is what makes them better, a lot of times they assume the medication completed it's job. However, if they go to the hospital, we don't have the beds to treat them.. so we give them their pill and the cycle restarts. Just patch the problem and ignore it.

What is good for the goose is no longer good for the gander?

Violence has been around since the beginning of mankind. Cain killed his brother Able in the very first murder. This is of course if you believe in the teachings of the Bible. Whether it is a random act of violence or a terrorist act; almost everyone belongs to a group, or school of thought, that can be motivation for these actions. Are we to condemn a whole group just for the actions of some?

I find it awfully funny how everyone is so quick to damn Muslims for terrorist acts perpetrated by a few. Yes I know there are many people who have committed these atrocities but the percentage of Islamic extremists who have committed these acts are small in comparison to the religion as a whole. I know that Americans have developed what I would like to call a "rotten apple spoils the bunch" mentality when it comes to issues of this nature. So is every Muslim really to blame for the attacks on 9/11, Paris(the Charlie Hebdo and the most recent attacks), London bombings, or the Boston Marathon bombing? I am just naming a few but I know there have been plenty more attacks. I know that terrorism by Islamic extremists is a real threat and a serious issue. I am not making light of this very real issue. I am, however, trying to show a little perspective on this.

Let's move to a different topic for a second. Most recently there was the tragedy is Colorado Springs. Robert Lewis Dear took what I will call and arsenal of weapons into a Planned Parenthood clinic and murdered three people and injured at least nine more. Not only did he open fire on these people but he also had propane tanks that he had assembled around a car. Now, to me, this seems like something that is supposed to strike fear in a certain population. According to Merriam-Webster the definition of terrorism is the use of violent acts to frighten the people in an area as a way of trying to achieve a political goal. Being pro-life is a political stance, if I am not mistaken. Seems like terrorism to me. SO do we lump all pro-lifers together and say they are all prone to acts of violence because of the act of Mr. Dear? 

Let's slide over a little to the Black Lives Matter movement. Now it may be a stretch for me to call these folks terrorists. However, I certainly do. They are trying to enact some sort of political change and they are destroying their own cities and perpetrating attacks to intimidate people into making these changes. This, in my opinion is mild in comparison to the others but the fact remains the same. Should we condemn all African-Americans for the action of these folks?

Now as I was writing this there was another attack at a center for people with developmental disabilities. The people who carried out these acts ended up being Muslim. Hours before their identities were know I hear many people going ape shit about they are Muslim. Making comments like they must be Muslim, I can't wait to find out they are refugees, and other such comments. This just goes to prove my point. There is no innocent until proven guilty for the Muslim community. I am of course going to get shit for being a Muslim "sympathizer". I can assure you I am a people sympathizer. I think all life matters, not just my own. In America we don't have a Muslim problem, we have a violence problem. No matter what nationality, religion, ethnic group, or race people come from. until we take a stand on ALL violence this sort of thing will continue to happen. It is high time we work on the overall problem, This is just the opinion of one asshole....I don't expect you all to agree but you should have read this with an open mind.

Let Brian Williams Go Back To Work

Personally, if Brian Williams died tomorrow I wouldn't even shrug my shoulders. Be careful how you read that. I didn't say I want him dead. The point I'm making is this.. I know the man's name in passing and nothing more. I don't care about what he does for a living or who he is as a person. For all I know, he's already dead.

This is an opinion blog and not the news, so I don't have any moral compass to stand by. We just tell you what we think and you read it or don't. We don't serve a specific side of the ethical or political fence. I just take a topic I want to write about and say whatever I feel with no repercussions. Brian Williams doesn't live in that world and he's recently made headlines for basically embellishing on a story that happened to him during the war. If you haven't heard about it, this video will explain.

I used the word embellish because he didn't flat out lie. He was involved in an attack, but he told everybody that his helicopter was hit by a rocket when in fact the helicopter he was following got hit instead. Maybe he misremembered it, like he claims, or maybe he just wanted to be the cool guy at the party and tell the story in the way that made him seem better to his audience. A colossal fuck up nonetheless.

I think we, as Americans, should hold our news anchors to the highest moral standards. If they lie, they should be fired without severance. If they tell inaccurate details, whether honest or accidental, they should have heavy consequences for those actions. They are being paid a lot of money to give us factual news that is held to a certain ethical platform and I believe we deserve it in return. However, that isn't the world we live in.

The one we live in has Fox News correspondents apologizing regularly or fumbling through news stories in whatever way fits their political agenda. While that video was politically one-sided, it was also very factual. I get it, Fox is the joke of the news world. They do whatever they want and we just shake our heads at it and move on with our day. Just like anything that comes out of Florida.

If Brian Williams is going to be the first reporter held to the highest standards of the internet when it comes to his honest news reporting, I'm absolutely fine with NBC pulling out its bull whip, the internet getting its pitch forks, and us all setting a very clear example of Brian Williams. If this is what we're gonna do from here on in, I'm all for it. This isn't that though.. you and I know it. This is just the hype train the internet is hot on for the week, and while Brian Williams is suspended for the next six months in his home, watching other reporters on Fox make up shit every week at their leisure, the internet will be moving on to whatever new activities are going on in the Kardashian household. We'll forget that we all cared about Brian Williams and we'll hold no other news reporters to the same standard we set for him in this case.

Remember Joseph Kony? Surely you remember the social media star born of being a Ugandan rebel leader who had a surge of popularity on the internet due to how he treated children? Did we save those children? Nah. Did we catch Joseph Kony? Absolutely not. So he just got his fifteen minutes of fame and we moved on just like we'll do here. Put Brian Williams back to work and be realistic. Americas standards aren't changing, because we only care about what social media tells us to care about for the moment it's relevant on our feed. 

When does it all end?

I find it interesting that people are always calling things demonic or Illuminati symbolism. I get it. You have nothing else to bitch about. You have to tarnish everything people do because you have nothing better to do. Personally I don't care what the symbolism is in music videos or in performances. If you are afraid that something like that will influence the youth of today, then maybe you should start at home and not worry about what other people are doing.

Now I don't want to lump ALL Christians in the same group because not every Christian is close-minded and allergic to acceptance, however, most of the people I hear bitching about this claim to be Christians. I see it everywhere, though. Jay Z had Illuminati symbolism in his performance says one guy. Such and such is going to hell for the demonic lyrics in his song. My favorite is "play this song backwards, they have demonic phrases". Does everything have to have a hidden meaning?

Now what got me started on this was the fact that I saw a video on Facebook today from Good Fight Ministries. Now I know this will give them some press and I am OK with that. What I am not OK with is people trying to tell you what to see and that only their perception of something is true. Now is it possible they are correct? Well sure it is. Is it possible that these situations are totally benign and they are just reading into things? That is also true. I am not foolish enough to say that there are no Satanic messages in music nor are there any Satanic people trying to get their message across in music. I AM saying that not everyone is trying to add people to their cult or religion through music and videos.

Well these folks at Good Fight Ministries made a video stating that Katy Perry was, and I am paraphrasing, a vehicle for Satan trying to recruit the unsuspecting youth into Satanism. At the time of writing this article I haven't been able to find all of the interviews the clips were taken from. SO I can't say it was taken out of context. However, I have heard some musicians and artists say "I sold my soul to the devil" and mean that they are now a part of the machine that is about money not music anymore. I wouldn't take it literally meaning they sold their soul to Satan so they could have the fame and fortune.

With all that said I am not blind. I do see the symbols in performances. I do see the likenesses to these things people are complaining about. To me it is just entertainment. If I am doing my job at home to show my children what is right and wrong then I don't have to worry about society "corrupting" my children with their so-called perversions. This brings me back to the statement I made a million times. How does it hurt you if someone else wants to lead a life of sin, if that is what you call it by them being gay or using satanic imagery? I think just let people live their lives and not be so judgmental. Whatever happened to the sayings, "Only God can judge" and "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone".  The aforementioned video is posted below if you would like to take a look. This is just one assholes opinion. Feel free to make your own. It is not my job to tell you how to live or what to believe.

Is a McDonald's Ad Really That Serious?

During the Superbowl last night, millions of Americans got to see McDonald's latest attempt to recover from a very rocky PR atmosphere lately. Over the past few years, in light of Americans becoming more health-conscious and seeking more information behind the foods they eat, McDonald's has been under fire for serving what would be considered a deep fried, more acceptable form of dog food to the masses. Partner that with the protests last year for raising the minimum wage at fast food restaurants and it's safe to say that none of us idolize the advertisers that have to sit and come up with a way to paint their products in a positive light.

In the ad, McDonald's requested customers at random to commit public acts of affection. The result being that their meal is free in return. The prices were deeds such as "One big family hug" or as they requested one patron, "Dial up your mom, tell her that you love her."

The next day I get on my Facebook feed and I see this beaming blog from Gawker, where author Hamilton Nolan saw fit to tear apart McDonald's recent PR campaign. Hamilton said that "normal, presumably middle or lower class Americans seeking cheap food are made to grovel and put their most tender family dynamics on public display." From this phrase alone I can tell that Hamilton is both not lower to middle class and also must hate his family. After all, if you're going to attack a company for simply asking you to tell your mother that you love her as payment, there are much deeper issues in your family tree than what is for dinner. If you feel the need to go one step further and completely disparage that company for daring to ever ask someone to hug another person for money, I assume you must have been molested by Ronald McDonald.

I get it. In this political world where everyone needs to take a side, your blog has clearly chosen the liberal path that exists to try and make waves out of nonsensical issues. At least I'll have the decency to admit that I do it because I'm an asshole who writes about whatever he wants. I have no boss or higher authority who tells me to feel a certain way about social topics. For that reason, I've decided to unlike Gawker so I don't have to listen to their one-sided ramblings any longer.

I am not defending McDonald's because I believe they are a moral or innocent company by any means. They probably should raise their minimum wage some and it wouldn't hurt if they looked into changing their food. You see, this isn't conservative vs. liberal, I'm just a think-for-myself kinda guy. I wish the internet were full of more of the same.

Shots fired.